Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
