We won't sleep together?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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