I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
