??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
