Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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