you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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