When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
