apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
