a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
