Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
