Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
