At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I want to make a zoo with you.
just tell him i said nine months
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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