my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
