I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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