Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
