i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I need to align my fucking chakras
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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