Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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