i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
