went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
