Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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