I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
