ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I currently don't understand fingers.
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