I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
