I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
