Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
