I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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