she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
