I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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