I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
