so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
