my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
