they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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