You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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