Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
