opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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