Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
