i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
