But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The best revenge is premature balding
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
