dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
