By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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