i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
