I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
