Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
