so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
