my phone needs a breathalizer
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
