bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
