There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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