he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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