Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
