he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
