there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
