Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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