I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
